Christmas comes but once a year. (Or should I say “the holidays?”) Anyway, ’tis the season to be jolly… And the time for much mirth-making and holiday parties, regardless of who or what you are celebrating. When your humble writer lived in that big Southern California town that consumes most of Northern California’s water, a musician/journalist friend would hold his annual holiday party. Besides being a somewhat in-demand multi-instrumentalist, our host was a music columnist for the L.A. Weekly, then later a TV columnist for the L.A. Times. As a result, he’s picked up some notable acquaintances. So at the annual festivities, along with his nobody friends, there would be a smattering of celebrity. No bigtime movie stars, really, just folks that a fairly intellectual, thirty-something journalist/musician would meet living and working in L.A.

And among the ranks of the non-famous was yours truly, who given the right circumstances (and blood alcohol level) can be truly embarrassing. Case in point, a late arrival to one annual soiree is a white-haired gentleman in a matching suit and his lovely lady. This writer having reached the requisite reading on the obnoxious meter, says in a too-loud voice, “Hey, who’s DAD is THAT?”

“Dude, that’s Van Dyke Parks.”

Needless to say, my size 9 1/2 cowboy boot did not taste so good and was hard to extract due to my new under two foot tall stature.

Van Dyke Parks — a grand sounding name… And perhaps one of the coolest people to walk the face of this earth. A child actor, boy genius, composer, music producer, Van Dyke Parks entered the hallowed ground of pop culture as lyricist for the Beach Boys on their mega-legendary, unreleased SMILE album recorded in 1967 in the lysergic haze after The Boys’ surfing teen-idol peak. That alone is enough to pin the cool meter for lifetime, but Mr. Parks then went on to be something of a house producer for Warner/Reprise Records in the ’70s working with Little Feat, Ry Cooder, Bonnie Raitt, Randy Newman, and as a keyboard sideman for Ringo Starr, Carly Simon, Harry Nilsson, and many, many others — not to mention scoring a score (or more) of feature films.

But I digress. Sorry. What I really should be writing about here is The Simpsons Movie. Jeez, the boss will have my ‘nads… How do I make the segue?

Well, as our luck would have it, two other frequenters of this Hancock Park holiday hang were a DJ with a semi-popular show on L.A.’s NPR station and a local cartoonist. Said cartoonist did a long running strip called Life In Hell that lampooned life in L.A. via a rabbit named Binky and a fez-wearing gay couple called Akbar and Jeff.

Turns out the producer of the Tracy Ullman Show (remember that one?) James L. Brooks (known for a ton of movies including Broadcast News, Terms Of Endearment, War Of The Roses, and Bottle Rocket) caught wind of Life In Hell and wanted the cartoonist to work up an animated version to be used as “bumpers” on the Ullman show. Fortunately for us, the rights for the strip no longer belonged to the cartoonist, so he worked up a new concept featuring a dysfunctional ‘toon family. And the rest, kiddies, is mega-millions history for Matt Groening.

The other guest at that party..? The NPR DJ? That would be Harry Shearer, the bass player of Spinal Tap and now the voice of Smithers, Burns, Principal Skinner and nearly every other minor character on The Simpsons.

Just in time to add to all the holiday fun is the release of the long-awaited The Simpsons Movie. If you missed it on the big screen, here’s your chance to enjoy it on the small.

And while you’re out enjoying the holiday revelry, remember to keep a civil tongue in your mouth… Cheers!

If you’re a musician, filmmaker, video wiz, or happen to have a game or two you created on a hard drive somewhere, then you owe it to yourself to become a publisher on BitTorrent.

Our new self-publishing platform allows independent artists the ability to host and promote their work to our global audience of over 160 Million users. Once you’re set up to publish, our editors will review your work for listing alongside titles from the world’s leading movie studios, TV networks and record labels.

Do you have what it takes? Then contact us to be considered for inclusion in our BitTorrent Publisher program. Let us know what you do and be sure to include a link to a sample if you can.

Once you’ve published your stuff, you might find yourself profiled in our weekly newsletter just like other BitTorrent Publishers like Goodnight Burbank, dotBOOM, Something To Be Desired, Bikini News, TEDTalks, and many others.

Publish or perish…

1. Chemical Brothers - Do It Again
Better living through chemistry

2. Justice - D.A.N.C.E.
The French just want to B.O.O.G.I.E.

3. Bonde Do Role - Solta O Frango
Portuguese for “Untie The Chicken”

4. Charlotte Gainsbourg - The Songs That We Sing
Daddy’s Girl?

5. A Band Of Bees - Who Cares What The Question Is?
Creating a big buzz

6. Loney, Dear - Saturday Waits
Poker playing dogs

7. Bloc Party - The Prayer
We wanna party with these blockheads

8. John Vanderslice - Time To Go
Indie rocker has tiny telephone

9. The Magic Numbers - This Is A Song
Win the twee lottery

10. Caribou - Melody Day
Honey, where’s my deer rifle?

Wasn’t it way back in 2006 (or was that aught five…) when everyone was getting crunk and ghostriding the whip? We remember like it was just yesterday: Making the scene with the gangster lean with our thizz faces on, pumping the Mac Dre, J-Diggs, or even Beeda Weeda.

But you know, the San Francisco Bay Area, isn’t just all about hyphy. You can’t swing a dead cat on any side of the bay without hitting a musician of some sort or another. The place is totally lousy with them.

We suppose to get a handle on at least some of this joyful (and not so joyful) noisemaking and suss out who the players might be, we’ll attack the problem geographically… So steaming through the Golden Gate, we’ll make landfall and hit the beach at Emeryville and first conquer the East Bay. Besides the aforementioned hyphy stars, we can check in on Blackalicious who make their hip hop on a positive tip — no gangstas, bitches and ho’s for these guys.

Now if you’re starting to think the East Bay is all about rap, think yet one more time. Let’s flash back to Berkeley’s punk rock Gilman Street scene and one of its biggest alumni Rancid whose frontman Tim Armstrong recently released a solo album of rock-steady, bluebeat influenced tunes (good album but we suspect due to his many Hollywood red carpet appearances that the artist formerly known as Lint is now an Angeleno). And while we’re talking punk, let’s jump all the way back to the very first wave of California punk: Penelope Houston who formed the Avengers as a 19 year old SF art student in the late ’70s, now makes the East Bay the command center for the activities of her reunited and reinvigorated band. Speaking of East Bay punk, let’s mention The Matches who could very well be Penelope’s spiritual (if not natural) children.

And just around the corner and up the street from Penelope’s house is Saturn Records, the shop where the romantically inclined couple who started The Lovemakers were employed or somehow otherwise entangled. Remember early ’80s dance rock? No. Well, then check out The Lovemakers. We hear their shows are long on both skin and danceable ’80s sounds (two things of which most people apparently never tire…).

And before we finish our by-no-means exhaustive look at the East Bay, let’s check in on Rogue Wave. These tuneful indie rockers represent Oakland. We’re not sure, but they’ve probably played LoBot (AKA Lower Bottom Gallery), the hipster nexus of West Oakland (where another perfectly good ghetto is being overrun with artists, musicians, warehouse conversions, live-work spaces, and soon stockbrokers, market analysts and biotech office drones).

But before we hop across the Bay Bridge to The City, let’s give a quick shout-out in the direction of the South Bay, once the home of such giants of rock such as the Doobie Brothers. Xiu Xiu were formed in San Jose, but now call Oakland home. We call Xiu Xiu spooky. Kids, don’t spend too much time in your bedrooms alone.

As we cross the bridge on our way to Baghdad By The Bay, The City That Never Parks, we see below us Treasure Island, the home of the 1939 Golden Gate International Exposition, a former seaplane port with flights to China, and soon to be venue for a festival put on by those Noise Pop fellars…

SF just celebrated the 40th anniversary of the Summer of Love, but none of the music artist types about which we’re going to be talking were even BORN then, except maybe Chuck Prophet. Chuckles got his start back in the ’80s with LA-based, ’60s-influenced band Green On Red, but the telecaster-twanging Prophet has always made the Bay Area his home.

Speaking of artists with sixties-damage, let’s swing by and say “hi” to Kelley Stoltz, who could very well be the bastard offspring of Pink Floyd founder Syd Barrett. The bards at UK magazine MOJO think Kelley is at least the Second Coming of Nick Drake. And a quick nod to psych-rockers Oranger, who are celebrating the completion of their first decade in existence this year.

Now, we hope you’re getting your second wind because we’ve got a lot of territory to cover. San Francisco is not especially big as cities go, but it has a buttload of musicians. Let’s give a tip of the hip hop hat to Aesop Rock, an East Coast rapper who transplanted himself to SF a couple years back and to Gold Chains, another Easterner gone west who’s made a name as a rapper for the indie rock crowd.

And speaking of indie rock, where do we start? Every hipster in every bar in SF’s Mission District has a band. Let’s give you some highlights. Standing out in the twee pop division are Deerhoof and Aislers Set (though we hear they’ve moved to Brooklyn) and in the senior division: Imperial Teen who are back with a new album The Hair the TV the Baby & the Band after taking some maternity leave.

And representing for the garage rock contigent, we have Vue who managed a couple albums for Sub Pop before moving onto RCA and then apparently falling off the face of the Earth sometime mid-decade.

And on the ’80s influenced track, we’ve got the Every Move A Picture whose mothers were charter members of the Duran Duran fan club and Numbers who must have all been conceived backstage at Gang Of Four or Erase Errata concerts.

And where would San Francisco be without a duo? Smothers Brothers, anyone? Nope, we’re talking Two Gallants and their folky lo-fi distillation of indie rock.

And there you go, an exhausting (if not, exhaustive) look at the SF Bay Area music scene. Call it “lazy journalism” but we’re tired.

The best free music is assembled at BitTorrent.com so you don’t have to search all over tarnation.

1. Saddle Creek 2007 Audio Sampler
Bright Eyes kicks down a complete free album

2. Ministry - Die In A Crash
Metallic industrialists extend their caustic regards to their favorite president

3. The Arcade Fire - Black Mirror
Try Windex?

4. Flight Of The Conchords - Business Time
Supersonic Kiwi Jokers

5. Spoon - The Underdog
Have no fear, Spoon is here

6. Balkan Beat Box - Digital Monkey
Don’t monkey with klezmer

7. Bloc Party - Banquet
These bloc heads are cooking up a feast

8. Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings - 100 Days 100 Nights
Passing the time with Soul Sister #1

9. Dangerdoom - Sofa King
We’re still passed out on the couch

10. Dock Boggs - Down South Blues
Hot, sexy and very dead

OK, so you might find yourself in this situation someday, if you aren’t already there… You have tons of cool stuff you’ve downloaded with BitTorrent and you’d love to see it on your monstro-huge flat panel TV. What to do? How do you rock the 10 foot interface? Well, my friend, here’s some tips to help you make that happen.

Luckily, there is more than one way to skin this digital interface cat — from simple and inexpensive to slightly more complicated and costly. But we’re happy to report that it can be done, and even the technically-challenged such as ourselves can achieve oneness of computer and TV.

Where to start? Check out BitTorrent’s Guide To How To Make PC - TV Connection. Here you’ll find step-by-step instructions for the manifold connection solutions that range from simple cable arrangements to nifty devices such as Netgear’s awesome Digital Entertainer HD (EVA8000), which allows you to stream movies, videos, music, Internet radio, and photos from your home PCs and storage devices to your HDTV (or regular TV) without the need for media server software running on your computer. (We want. We want.)

And if that doesn’t totally fill you with awe and make your noggin hum like an overtaxed slot car transformer, then check this: the free software from Orb allows you to “mycast” all your media to any internet-connected mobile phone, PDA, or laptop. So now, not only can you rock the 10 foot interface from TV to couch, you can also enjoy your vids and other media files from just about anywhere.

So there ya go, intrepid digital adventurer. Your quest awaits you!

Quick, before you totally tune out… Let me say that this posting is not really about Marc Anthony or his extra-famous, extra-wide booty missus. Certainly they enter the story as tangential characters (and comic relief…), but this is a tale worth reading, so give me a second and I will get to the point. Héctor Lavoe..? Never heard of him? Don’t be dismayed. Most people probably don’t know the name either. Lavoe’s the subject of the biopic starring the rico suavé Marc Anthony (we hear Marc’s just fabulous) produced and partially bankrolled by Anthony’s co-starring über-celeb wife. Now here’s where our story starts to get interesting… While your humble blogster had no idea about Héctor Lavoe (he must be huge in the Latin world, we assume), Lavoe’s Fania Records labelmates Ray Barretto, Willie Colón, Rubén Blades, and Celia Cruz are certainly known quantities and some might even have respected places in your music collection as they do in mine. So begins our quest of discovery (yes, there is an epic dimension to this tale, I assure you). A journey, not to know more about Lavoe but to find out about Fania Records itself and how its musicians invented new styles of Latin music: salsa, boogalu, and Afro-Cuban jazz.

The Fania story reads like the classic American indie label tale of the last century. Founded in the early sixties by a musician (bandleader Johnny Pacheco) as an outlet for his own records and a lawyer (Jerry Masucci), it has all the earmarks of the romantic, rags-to-riches indie story: Selling vinyl out of the trunks of cars on the Spanish Harlem streets, signing up young innovative artists, creating new sounds and eventually having hit records.

Larry Harlow’s 1965 Heavy Smoking was the second album released on the Fania label. The record’s modern take on traditional Afro-Caribbean music served as the template for what soon would come to be known as the Fania Sound.

Encouraged by the public’s positive reaction to the groundbreaking rhythms offered on Heavy Smoking and inspired by the creative spirit of the late 60’s, Fania musicians began to mix together the popular sounds of the day with traditional Caribbean compositions. This brand new musical sauce would soon be categorized as salsa music.

Fast forward a few years to the seventies and several new names and musical styles come to the forefront: Joe Cuba, Joe Bataan, The Fania All-Stars, Ismael Rivera, Latin soul, bomba, boogalu… And did we mention the cool ’70s album art?

Intrigued? Download Héctor Lavoe - Mi Gente

Let’s talk NBA. How about that seven-for-one Kevin Garnett trade? Whoa. And the coolest part? KG kept saying, “Bet on us to win it.” Now let’s keep muffling his sentence into one mish-mashed word: “Betonustowinit”… “Bitwinnit”… “BitTorrent.” Yes, he actually said, “BitTorrent.” Can’t buy that kind of advertising, especially from a former MVP. Go Celtics.

For all you “polymorphously perverse” people out there, Annie Hall is being released on TitanTownDisc. Unfamiliar with this curious format? Well, it’s this super new technology with deluxe packaging that’s apparently all ergonomic. But why pick Annie Hall for their maiden release? Your guess is as good as ours. Heck, does this company really exist? (Or did some idiot just need an excuse to quote that movie’s cool line, “polymorphously perverse”?)

Ok, I saw Sunshine last weekend. Not that Ralph Fiennes movie, but the new Danny Boyle sci-fi flick. Man, the sun can be such a dick! It fries many astronauts to ash, including one character that became addicted to gazing upon it. The sun as crack? It even drives a captain insane, to where he thinks he’s one with God. Nice to see whatshisface as a good guy again. He was way too disturbing as a villain in Red Eye and Batman Begins.

And have you seen this Pathfinder poster?

Holy Frank Frazetta!

Lastly, I once passed by Ric Ocasek and Paulina Porizkova on the busy sidewalks of Harvard Square. I was young, so I shouted, “Ric Ocasek from The Doors!” Everyone within earshot freeze-framed, even Ric and Paulina. I was wrong. It happens.

The Durango 95, of course, was the stolen automobile of choice of A Clockwork Orange’s droogs. It is also the name of at least one real-life band (and the title of a Ramones instrumental). And of course, there’s The Droogs, an LA-based ’60s garage-influenced band that released several albums in the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s. Eighties hitmakers Heaven 17 (remember them..?) appropriated their name from the sales chart at the music boutique that head droog Alex frequents (The Sharks and The Humpers are real bands that may have also borrowed their names from the same Top 10 List). And Echo And The Bunnymen’s early albums were on Korova, the name of the milk bar inhabited by Alex and his droogy pals. And let’s not forget British dance act Moloko, named after the droogs’ favorite beverage. These are just a few of the musical entities that have nicked their handles from either Anthony Burgess’s 1962 novel or Stanley Kubrick’s 1971 Warner Bros. film adaptation… In fact, Burgess in his own essay about the novel “A Clockwork Orange: A Play with Music” accounts that rock bands with the name “Clockwork Orange” sprang up in New York and LA in the mid-60s: “These juveniles were primarily intrigued by the language of the book, which became a genuine teenage argot, and they liked the title. They did not realise that it was an old Cockney expression used to describe anything queer, not necessarily sexually so, and they hit on the secondary meaning of an organic entity, full of juice and sweetness and agreeable odour, being turned into an automaton.”

Musicians from Led Zeppelin’s John Bonham to R&B singer Usher have borrowed the droog costume for onstage or videos. And let us not forget Norway’s Turbonegro, Rob Zombie, and Faith No More’s Mike Patton, other members of the legion that have donned droog drag at one point or another. David Bowie sings to “a droogy” is his song “Suffragette City” and you can list German punks Die Toten Hosen, SoCal hardcore band TSOL, Henry Rollins, and U2 among those that have derived inspiration (or swiped imagery) from the dystopian classic.

The Rolling Stones approached Burgess in 1965 about acquiring the rights and producing a movie adaptation of the novel starring themselves. But given the “ultra-violence” and graphic sexuality of novel, any faithful film representation would have not had a theatrical outlet in the yet-to-be-liberated mid-60s. Things would change radically just a few years later when Kubrick’s film was released in the early seventies (albeit with an “X” rating).

The musical connections to A Clockwork Orange don’t just work in one direction — It’s not just musicians being influenced by the film. In addition to the symphony-heavy soundtrack that’s due to droog Alex’s love of Beethoven, director Kubrick peppered the film with real musical references such as the inclusion of the soundtrack LP of 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Beatles’ Magical Mystery Tour, Neil Young’s After The Gold Rush, and Pink Floyd’s Atom Heart Mother as dressing on the set during record store scene. (Incidently, most of the soundtrack music was performed on early synthesizers by electronic music pioneer Walter [later Wendy] Carlos and “March from A Clockwork Orange” is reportedly the first recorded song featuring the use of vocoder on vocals.) And most interesting, the infamous “Singing In The Rain” performed by Alex as he indulges in “a bit of horrorshow” was entirely the improvisation of actor Malcolm McDowell and does not appear in the novel.

Reportedly, Stanley Kubrick asked Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters if he could use elements of the “Atom Heart Mother” suite in the soundtrack; Waters rejected the request. Later, Waters asked Kubrick if he could borrow sounds from 2001: A Space Odyssey – a request that Kubrick turned down.

ACO is one of only two movies rated X on its original release that was nominated for a Best Picture Academy Award (the other was Midnight Cowboy [1969]). It’s still one hell of a “fun” ride that continues to shock and awe more than 30 years after its release. Take a spin, won’t you?