Zombies, Sexy School Girls And Looking For Mr. Goodbar
Halloween is only days away so you better be prepared. Did you buy candy for trick or treaters? And no, I’m not talking about that bulk Tootsie Roll fecal food. Who thinks that stuff is a good idea? “Hey kid, here’s some stuff that NO ONE wants! I saved two dollars, and you now have the right to egg my house and shit in my mailbox!” Nice work, cheap-skate. Now you have the word “Cocktard” spray-painted on the side of your house. As a standard rule, the lowest level candy you should buy is the fun size Hershey’s assortment. As a trick or treater, you at least have a 20% chance of getting a Mr. Goodbar and you won’t fault someone if you get stuck with a Hershey’s bar.
When it comes to costumes, what do you do? Please don’t say “sexy” something. Remember in Mean Girls when they’re talking about Halloween sluts? Totally true. But for the record, in the real world, Halloween does not come with a “dress like a whore, free!” card. You’re an unoriginal skank with bunny ears and low self esteem, and I’m a lonely guy with a halfie. Thanks for pointing it out, Sexy Pirate/Nurse/Roller Girl.
All my bitching aside, it’s my favorite holiday (better than Bastille and Arbor Day put together). I’m a huge fan of all things horror and have actually enjoyed the Saw series (none of them have the phenomenal story of the first one, but the gore factor is great) and everything from our friends over at Apprehensive. The 28 Days (Weeks?) Later zombies are a great twist on the old Night Of The Living Dead creatures. If you want some psychological scares, check out Bug from Exorcist director William Friedkin. Need your monsters with more cheese? then check out Zombie Death House. If you need me, I’ll be at home In my sexy Wonder Woman costume watching Return to the House of the Voyage of the Son of the Revenge of the House On Haunted Hill. Part 2.
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