So what the hell happened to originality? I mean seriously. For every Lost we’ve got a TMNT movie. For every Sopranos and Shield we’ve got three more CSI. Holy hell. CSI. Really? Is it that good? Seriously?! And now there’s Bionic Woman. Did anyone watch that? I feel a little sorry for the rest of the folks that did. I mean, sure the acting was bad, but at least the dialogue sucked too. It made me want to gouge my eye out and not get it replaced with “anthracites” or whatever the hell the show called their nanotech. Thanks for dumbing down my world, NBC. I don’t want to have to think too much about TV anyways. Amazing to think shows like that can be made, but Firefly gets dumped after one season.

Now they’re redoing Knight Rider. Jesus. You’ve got to be kidding me. Was the show that good? Sure you THINK it was that good, because nostalgia, like love and Stevie Wonder, is blind, but go check it out again. It was 30 minutes of The ‘Hoff acting like the freakin’ master of disguise, followed by him getting captured, and then 10 minutes of KITT trying to save his ass. And didn’t anyone realize that maybe, just MAYBE a car wasn’t the best partner for someone who keeps getting captured?

Michael: KITT, help me! They’ve set the building on fire, and I’m tied to a chair and can’t get loose!
KITT: Where are you, Michael?
Michael: I’m in the basement of this building!
KITT: Uhhh, the basement?
Michael: Yeah.
Kitt: Fuck.

Since I can’t fight this nostalgia route of Hollywood, I might as well join in. Here’s my remake wish-list.

Beastmaster - Let’s have Doolittle the Barbarian come back. There’s excessive violence for the guys, Women folk get an overly tanned dude with a waxed chest, and children can enjoy the ferrets! Fun for the whole family.

Manimal - Millionaire playboy Jonathan Chase changes into animals, fights crime. ‘Nuff said.

The Greatest American Hero - A guy gets an alien suit of unfathomable power…and loses the instructions! That’s a brilliant premise. Especially in this day and age when America appears to be this looming super powered Death Star to the rest of the world (if you don’t believe me, read any paper from another country), we need a superhero with immense power that can also say “hey, I don’t quite know what I’m doing!”

Small Wonder - She was like The Terminator, but a 10 year old girl in a dress. Lonely fan boys around the world squeal with glee.

Those are my suggestions. Any shows I might have missed?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 9th, 2007 at 10:44 am and is filed under TV, Movies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.