Dragons. Been familiar with them since those Dungeons & Dragons days of my youth. That’s self-incrimination in some lands, but I have nothing to hide. Yep, I played the Gygax game, and obviously didn’t get carried away and “off” myself when my seventh-level Dwarf fighter bit it in the Tomb Of Horrors.

So with that said, here are some big serpents that recently got the motion picture treatment: Eragon (Jeremy Irons still slummin’ it in fantasy flicks), Dragonstorm (It’s a “Mind Blowing Adventure”), Dragon (Sublime Title Award - Part I).

But this dragon jazz ain’t the same as it used to be. Dragonslayer, now there’s a classic. Or maybe I was just young and all impressionable back then?

In the HK Action genre, being pegged a dragon is a euphemism for having kickass chi or prowess or something: Enter The Dragon (Why they call him Bruce), Kiss Of The Dragon (Jet Li has acupuncture death move?), Roaring Dragon, Bluffing Tiger (Don’t play Texas Hold’em with him), Sting Of The Dragon Masters (Why The Police split up), Secret Of The Dragon (Hush, my fire-breather),Biography: Bruce Lee - The Immortal Dragon (Homie still lives?).

But there’s another type of dragon for gamers and martial arts buffs to graduate to. Red Dragon Releasing boasts a library of “mature” cinematic fare with titles that kill: Lesbionage (James Bond’s illegitimate sis’), Doctor Patient Privilege (What bedside manner!), Roller Booty (Lace up them skates, then each other), The Passion Of Fashion (Miuccia Prada finally shows skin?),Wet 2 (Hey, what about Wet 1?), Chopper Chicks (No, not Dykes On Bikes), Hardbody Boot Camp (Like a sexy Stripes), A Sexy Western (Sublime Title Award - Part II), 6 To 9: Payback’s A Bitch (Dabney Coleman beware).

And they offer one weirdo sports thing to boot: Japanese Hardcore Wrestling: Volume One (Samurai Lou Albano)

There you have it, chum. So the next time you find a dragon egg in the barn, a dragon on the dojo, or a dragon with a lair full of hotties, you now know the score. The game’s tied in the bottom of the ninth, bases drunk, and you’re pinch hitting with two outs and a full count. It’s time to conjure the power of the winged beasts or at least “method act” what one might do in such a situation. Do that, and you’ll be fine, friend. You’ll be aces.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 10th, 2007 at 6:19 pm and is filed under Movies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.